No.48: this and that other thing

It’s been a little crazy the last couple of weeks. As mum keeps reminding me, it never slows down. I mean, it’s gotta slow down a little because DANG. My head is still certainly above water, though. Let’s see. What’s been going on lately?

Class is not quite a torrential downpour of crap, but it’s a definite crap storm. Today I wrote my Lit of the American West essay and for some reason it was the hardest essay of my college career. I could NOT get my ideas together and nothing flowed well. I’m hoping for a B+, but it’s only going to come as the result of Hadley’s supreme generosity and hopefully she’s in a good mood. In other news, I think I did pretty well on the second Social Theory essay (may God cause that entire field of research to sink into an oceanic trench). Re: finals- At this point I’m looking at a 10 page paper for Social Theory, a 10 page paper for Readings in Fiction, a 10 page paper for Harlem Renaissance, a research project involving wikipedia for Lit, and a final, non cumulative test for Abnormal Psych. So… it’s not great, but it could definitely be worse.

Life:
Boyfriend is amazing. I’m not sure we’ve had a real fight yet, but we’ve definitely exited the honeymoon phase peaceably, contentedly, and without me growing instantly bored, which is a gorgeous change. God has been very very good to me and I’m 99% sure that I’ve found my other half. I guess we’ll see, right? Meanwhile, here’s some advice: don’t look. I never would’ve seen him if I’d been looking. We found each other, and God used us to save each other. It’s been pretty great. (ok, that’s it, i’m done).

Mum returned from the Philippines all a flurry with action. I catch her excitement easily but I’ve been trying to stay cool. I’m prone to sudden strong ideas– blowing out of the US after school to go work for ICM. Right now that seems great, but I’m going to need to think this through, pray, discuss, etc. And I don’t think I’m goin’ anywhere w/out Spence. But I definitely want to visit, at least.

Bible study ends this week. Sad about that, actually. Women I actually respect and like, who though I have little in common with, I feel safe with and enjoy the company of. Unusual for me.

Staying at Mom’s tonight. Coming back to the house of my earliest memories (I’ve got nothin’ from living in DC) is always a little weird. There’s all the old photos and collections of trinkets– drumstick mom got from the drummer of Big Audio Dynamite, in the puppy mug Ada Ruth sent me for Christmas, next to the ridiculous ceramic statue Matt’s mom gave me for graduation. I still have a Switchfoot poster on the wall (caddy corner the much more awesome Stephane Pompougnac poster for Costes Trois). And my parents are downstairs. It fills me both with security and a vague fear– I don’t want to be too comfortable here. You can go back, but you can’t stay back, you know? (Aaand cue 80s hit by Simple Minds)

Anyway– next week holds it’s set of problems and I’ll ford those rivers when they flood. (Do not try this in Oregon Trail, you never make it). It won’t be too bad, anyway… guess who’s got two thumbs and 12:08am tickets to New Moon?

This bee-yatch.

HS

PS. this is for all of you. doug’s blog (which i read while waiting for spence to text me “home safe”) made me think of metal, which made me think of my preferred glam rock, which made me think of matt givens, which made me think of Skid Row. Which made me post you guys this:

xoxo

No. 47: Glee

i will admit- first i was skeptical. i mean, it’s called “glee”.

but now? oh gosh, i love that show.
it’s the corniest pep but it’s awesome corny pep.

trust me.

no.46: my friends make films

pt ii: the dream – day 2

sternberg is passed out on the couch. we traded off. i fell asleep reading cormac mccarthy’s the road about an hour ago and then she came in. the boys are still at it, rehearsing what i believe is the last scene of the night. andrea has returned from her party, concerned for the well being of her man. we just did a surface clean of the apartment, which to put it lightly is… cluttered.

when i went in to check on the fellas at 2, they were again in good spirits, having ascended the midnight height of punchiness, dropped into the valley of 1 am depression, to again climb to “way too late” jocularity. the talent, ramon, is more than could’ve been hoped for. he’s had a prosthetic wound glued to his arm for the better part of six hours, and has been sitting under breathtakingly hot lights and made to repeat the same taciturn behaviors yet he’s artfully cracking jokes and then switching into character like a pro.

(an aside: i totally could not pull the word “taciturn” out of my brain. when i queried andrea, sternberg’s sleepy voice provided it. i love my that girl.)

it’s only the second day. things are going a little smoother than yesterday but only in that we’ve actually been able to complete shots to carlos’s liking. yesterday was a little rough. baltimore apparently does not pave its abandoned bus depot’s streets to optimal dolly smoothness. anyway, tonight’s challenge occurred when  someone  (i’m gonna say either carlos or cesar) locked the keys to the location IN the location. we ate chinese food in moderate humor until a large black man with a huge hammer and screw driver arrived to pound open the door. a few hours later, i echoed the neglectful act when i ran up stairs to get a blow dryer for the prosthetic and locked my keys in my apartment. now planning on sleeping in the location. first thing tomorrow i have to get up and summon the hefty rescuer to resurrect me from my homelessness. it’s unfortunate really. i was looking forward to going to bed at a reasonable hour and sleeping in under my nice fluffy comforter.

anyway, tomorrow is the third day of shooting, fifth location, and with eric, a familiar talent. i’m expect good things from the interplay of eric and ramon.

i’m just excited about going to bethesda, seeing my sweet man and going to church. it’s been a long weekend.

tired but (mostly) pleased,

hs

No.45: whelmed

AAACHOO

The amount of homework I have right now is a little ridiculous. As it stands, I have  50 pages of ST and a Psych test tomorrow, and two novels for Wednesday. One paper and two novels for next Monday, and  two papers due in two weeks, one of which I have no clue how to write. I don’t think I’m going to make it to small group tomorrow night, which is a huge bummer, but there’s no way I’m going to have time to finish all of the reading if I go. On top of all that, I’ve been sick. Feeling much better today, which is really really great (totally kicking this cold into submission with a steady rotation of Zycam, Claratin D, Gypsy Cold care tea, Vitamin C and Sudafed). I’m not quite overwhelmed, the Lord is definitely holding my head above water, bring to mind scriptures for when I get a little zany about The Future (next semester, job, marriage, housing).  But I’ve reached ‘whelmed’. One more thing might send me to Insanityland, home of that woman who talks to park benches, and the smelly guys who yell randomly.

Anyway, just keep praying.

In other news, I think I wanna get married at Evergreen House. SO gorgeous.

In summation: I have honey stuck to my fingers. Stupid squeezy bear.

HS

No.44: if i can save you any time

gosh, he was lovely

so recently i was jonesing for some dylan (i think i’m gonna watch I’m Not There in a bit) and put all the albums on shuffle. I found a song I’d never heard before, on Biography. “I’ll Keep It With Mine”. It’s so beautiful. I’ve listened to about 5 covers of it since (including a really horrid one by Nico), but there’s something about Dylan’s version. it almost made me cry the first time i heard it.  anyway– seriously go listen to it (and while you’re at it, the Jim Jones & Calexico cover of “Goin’ to Acapulco”).

HS

you will search, babe, at any cost
but how long, babe, can you search
for what is not lost?

everybody will help you
some people are very kind.
but if i
can save you any time
come on, give it to me
i’ll keep it with mine.

i can’t help it
if you might think i am odd
if i say i’m loving you
not for what you are
but for what you’re not.
every body will help you
discover what you set out to find

but if i can save you any time
come on, give it to me
i’ll keep it with mine.

the train leaves
at half passed ten.
but it will be back
in the same old spot again.

the conductor
he’s still stuck on the line.
and if i can save you any time
come on,
give it to me, i’ll keep it with mine.

No.43: fin de semaine

It has been a pretty nice weekend, although this social essay,  over which I am currently bent, is making me miserable.

It’s the first essay I’ve written in years that I didn’t do all in one sitting. I’ve been working on it for the last two days and I hate it. First of all, I dislike Marx. Second of all, the way we are told to write the essay is a pain. Analyzing the events of the Chinese appropriation of American auto industrial power through the lens of Marxist concepts is a pain. Whatever.

Friday Jason and I had straight gay-best-friend day, wherein I dragged him to the salon w/me to get a haircut while I got mine colored again, then to the mall for exchanges, etc. Then had coffee w/Joe, which was pleasant as well as somewhat motivating. Third writer friend to kick me in the butt for being lazy and discouraged. Hannah quickly followed that night. We all went to the MSE symposium Future of the Creative Arts panel, which BLEW. Poor Caleb Deschanel. We all went there for him and had to sit for an hour and listen to the pompous windbag Maroon 5 label guy. Sheez. Dipped out early to go to CVP and then Zombieland. Zombieland = totally worth it, although we all agreed that it is not Shaun of the Dead. Still– funny.

Yesterday Spence came up early and we did homework most of the morning (this stupid essay). Then I had a panic attack about Carlos’s script, before deciding that if he didn’t care enough to leave the prop list, I wasn’t gonna worry about it. So Greg, Clare, Spence and I went to Village Thrift (which the hipsters have finally found and cleaned out), then Hampden. BTW Common Ground has really good pie, though not as good (of course) as the now defunct Dangerously Delicious. Then more work, then the first hour of Killer’s pub crawl in Fed Hill (which was pretty fun, actually– the most organized scavenger hunt I’ve ever been to). Then to Mike’s for dinner w/ Melissa, Ster & the lovely Karen.

I had a zany dream last night and awoke this morning a little groggy. But some tea and the mental exertions of this friggin essay have woke me up. Now I have to finish in order to enjoy the rest of my day (which will consist of a shower, more homework, and church w/Spence in Silver Spring).

Hope all of you are thriving.

HS

No.42: western, etc.

I have, over the course of the last two years, fallen completely in love with the frontier west. I think what started it for me was The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. Then No Country, the film. The Blood Meridian, although technically that’s more southern, No Country, the book.Then came Deadwood, which I’m still furious HBO ended so crappily. I started watching more and more westerns (taken most severely by The Good, the Bad, the Ugly and Rio Bravo– sigh, Dean Martin). Spaghetti Westerns, Railroad westerns. I was so delighted when my schedule opened up and I could take Literature of the American West, which has not failed to disappoint, although I’m pretty sure the professor hates me.

This morning I’m doing some reading for the class (which I can’t actually go to, but whatever). In an essay about melodrama and “the Feminine means to Empire”,  Stanley Corkin writes about the post-WWII era in which the films he discusses (one of which being a course film, Fort Apache), and the development of mass media’s affects on public & private life. He makes this point:

“The gradual shift of the dominant medium in the United States from film to television had far-ranging ideological consequences. This era may be seen as one that shifts the boundaries of public and private life, as a visual mass medium now enters the homes of private citizens in a most pervasive and compelling manner. This event in the history of mass  media may be seen as a core moment of reorientation that marks postwar U.S. culture, one that illustrates the permeable boundaries between private and public domains” (58).

I think this is an interesting thought. With the rise of television, America got a lot more voyeuristic. Does anyone else think that this may have partially desensitized us to the rising voyeur of government. Via television, we get used to watching the live of others and thus become less sensitive to being watched.

I swear, I’m not a conspiracy theorist. Just something I thought of.

Today: no class. Writing essay, due by 4. Work @ 5. Dinner w/Dad & boys @ the Dizz. In just 11 hours, the craziness of the week will have diminished.  God has really been calling me to rely on Him.  While it’s totally true and lightening, sometimes it’s harder to “cast your burdens on the Lord, because he cares for you” (1 Pet. 5:7) than one imagines. When I finally get there, it seems to keep working out.

Anyway, hope everyone’s week is going well.

HS

No.41: abnormal psychology

Test today @ 1:30 (say a prayer for meeee).

Didn’t really study that much for it, but Greg took the course last year and said it’s not a huge worry (plus I have his notes). I’m not that concerned, but I’m going over the material this morning as a refresher.

Had some thoughts that I believe are interesting but may not be.

1. Re: Maslow’s hierarchy of needs- In his dimension of the humanistic-existential framework, Maslow said that in order to have a normal psychology, humans need to satisfy the need for self-actualization, which moves an individual towards ultimate potential. I think that decrease in importance on God and values has dealt a huge blow to this. Without belief in God is seems impossible to me that there can be an “ultimate” anything. The aimlessness in today’s culture has crippled human actualization. I see this looking at the majority of the late teen, early twentysomethings from affluent families in America. Especially men. These guys have potential to fulfill a purpose and achieve the ultimate of themselves, but mentally and spiritual separation from that has led to a lot of them working at Starbuck’s and smoking pot in their parent’s basement. There are many exclusions to this principle (I think of Joe, of Spence, of Carlos & Greg ), but there are surprising amount of well-equipped boys in NoVA wasting away into slacker pathology because they aren’t acknowledging an ultimate purpose.
2. I want to write a short story about twin studies, which have found that there is something in genetics which is uncontaminated by the environment in which the twin grows up. Is depression a genetic pathology or is it just the predisposition which exists genetically (like with alcoholism). I just can’t think of a way to make this story not come out either like The Parent Trap or Constantine.

Dinner w/my boo & small group in Silver Spring tonight. Then serious paper writing before bed and tomorrow morning. Then this week gets a little less crazy (although, not much). PHewf!

Hope you all are well.

HS

No.40: la musique & etc.

Songs of my week:

• “Pilot” Notwist – Spence mix. Missing him madly in the car the other day.
• “Pork & Beans” Weezer- rocking out on the way to work.
• “Cannons” Phil Wickham- worshipping on the way home from work.
• “Gonna Make You Sweat/Everybody Dance Now” C & C Music Factory- playing in the salon on repeat about 5 times before someone realized.
• “Teenage Wildlife” David Bowie- super super David Bowie kick this week. Listened to the Scary Monsters, Ziggy Stardust and Reality EPs about 4 times each.
• “Good Old Fashioned Nightmare” Matt & Kim- went to the show last night with Spence and Charlie. Not my favorite band in the whole world but GREAT show. amazing stage presence and “Daylight” is a great song.
• “I Guess the Lord Must be in New York City” Harry Nilsson- needed to hear this tonight. Don’t know why. Just did.
• “Simple Twist of Fate” Bob Dylan- still my second favorite Dylan song of all time. Made me cry the first time I heard it, and sometimes I still do.

It’s been a long week. Thinking about quitting the salon. I like my job, and the girls are great. It’s just beginning to stress me out, the lack of time. Something is going to start suffering. Plus I’m so TIRED all the time, it’s kind of a bummer. But I’m praying about it, I’m keeping a positive attitude.

Tomorrow is my cousin’s 16th birthday. Sixteen. Wow. It’s hard to believe that was five years ago.

Work all friggin day. But I’ll get a bunch of reading done (Why is The Sound and the Fury SO hard to read?!!). Then I get to see my honey (yay!)

Now I’m going to eat some fruity pasta (best candy ever), watch a couple episodes of Fullmetal and go to bed. Night kids.

HS

No.39: Who knows where thoughts come from

Some random things I thought of today:

• Does the structural integrity of iron depreciate if you recycle it? E.G. If I melt down a broken desk chair and make another one from it, is it less structurally sound?
• Who kills an intruder with a samurai sword anymore?!! Hopkins students are So Hard! http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/baltimore-city/bal-sword0915,0,4027961.story?track=rss
• In a “democratic” society, isn’t only paying workers minimum wage self defeating? Sure, you’re gaining surplus value but you’re paying it back in taxes for social programs for the people that can’t support themselves on their minimum wages b/c the cost of products is too high. Vicious circle. Marx was an arrogant, idealistic crazy person, but he had a couple of good points.
• Is it wrong to want to eat sushi every single day?

HS